Weekend is gone again!

:s

Weekend seemed shorter now even compared to when it was 5 and a half work week. Where have all the hours gone to?

I remembered chatting with Bunster. With motherhood and having been the entreprenuer, it was just not the same for her, to work for someone else and to do all the corporate climbing stuff.
For me, I still have not found the challenge yet. I was just lamenting to an ex-colleague over emails, that I missed the hours I put in for the 2 odd years when I was still doing staff work on the ground. Even if it meant working till 8-9pm, coming back on weekends, clearing work before and after coming back from holiday, meeting never-ending deadlines, but it had been productive and meaningful. I even told her that I missed the horrible big boss who was known to be exacting, demanding, and downright critical of everybody's work; but then cos she knew what she want and expect the same from everybody else. Knowing what I had been through for that stint, my ex-colleague said I was mad.

Now, I just look forward to more "me-time". Long holiday (away from work), go diving, read a book go running.

Maybe I was addicted to deadlines, linking productivity in work to some sort of self worth. Shit. The last one's scary but I can understand the psyche though - the euphoria that you cleared another hurdle, with some pain no less, accomplishing the target with flair and some flourish, telling yourself "Damn I am good".

Maybe that's why I still keep pushing myself to go running, to continue playing hockey, to pick up divemaster course. The ache in my legs after the run on Saturday reminded me that yes, it's good to keep moving again (even though I was procrastinating to start running again after so long).

Maybe I am addicted to pain. The pain of pushing myself to meet deadlines. The physical pain of muscles straining, heaving breathing.

Gosh. That sounds pyscho. But I know I am looking forward to move away from oblivion.