Let the Light Shine In

And because Deepavali was a few days ago, someone passed me tealights when I professed that all my tea lights are in storage. For the symbolism of light's triumph over darkness, he said. And also knowledge over ignorance, good over evil, hope over despair, according to Wikipedia. Who wouldn't like that, I wondered.

And beside the incense burner that I got from India, which coincidentally, had the statue of Ganesha, the remover of obstacles, and the icon for wisdom and knowledge. Quite apt.

More often than not, I am grateful to be born in Singapore and be a part of this multicultural society. Although less than perfect sometimes, but where else in the world can you be in an environment where different cultures and religions co-exist and be expected to be accepted and acknowledged, and the stories of various festivals are learnt in school.

With that as a backdrop, that could be the reason that although different in format and doctrine, it occurred to me the the essence is the same - the presence of an almighty God and/or Source, the teaching of staying on the pathway of truth through enlightened teachers, self cultivation of the mind and devotion, and virtues of love and compassion, and of course many others. And if some religion's way of teaching resonates with you, then apply yourself to that and let it bring out the best in you. Cos at the end of the day, the incremental benefit to the world of a happier, wiser, more fulfilled individual is always a positive one.

So a happy belated Deepavali dear friends, and may the light be with you at all times :)

Drawing Straight in Crooked Lines

Tonight is almost the first night from the last month that I can sit down in quiet and settle down a bit. The last 4 weeks felt like microcosm of different worlds.

Classes and assignments felt like a moving conveyor belt of knowledge download, moving so fast one after another that I'm starting to get dizzy.

Running for student council played out like a gladiator arena of human emotions and show of ego.

Stepping into the door way of the spiritual realm provided a solace for reflection and centring amidst the crazy wave of things.

Having someone who you were almost wishing for every day dropping in on you this way was nothing short of the extraordinary.

Yet, somehow all of these were inter related in one way or another.

Sometimes, the dots are all scattered over the place and you wonder why are you made to go through those dots in the longest, convoluted way when there could be a thorough fare that links the dots in the most logical straight line.

But at the end of the day when you look back, you realise that the lines drawn through those dots just drawn you the picture of what you have always wanted in your mind.

Joy, Faith, and...Just Breathe.

I had a sort of a blackboard behind my door back then, at my first owned place, such that that is the first thing that I see whenever I enter the house or when I leave. It was originally meant for listing stuff that I need to remember, like grocery items and things I need to do. But one day, maybe because I had left it empty for so long (erm....ya, grocery and things-to-do are not exactly exciting items that I am that rearing to update every day), I took up a piece of chalk and wrote 2 words that came to my mind then - "Joy" and "Faith".

So, then that became the first thing I saw whenever I enter the house, and last thing before I leave.

Then, one day, I saw a quote that I really liked - "Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is no think, not wonder, no imagine, not obsess. Just breath and have faith that everything will work out for the best". So I wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it at the corner. So when I open the door to enter the house, that note is the first thing that peeked at me from beside the door frame, and the last thing I glanced at before I grab the keys (which was just beside the blackboard) and leave .

And those words were there ever since.

And worked for me ever since, every time when I feel frazzled with stuff that never seemed to make sense, or when things doesn't seem to be turning for the better.

I kept the note when I sold off the place, and it's now on the mirror in my room, so I still get to see it every day. "Joy" and "Faith" hadn't followed, but I think they are probably less needed to be reminded than the words on the post-it note.

It's uncanny how things are turning out now, just, probably, I should just breathe and have faith.

The Last Day

The date on the paper caught my eye
as I sent it, together with the rest of history,
into the machine's shredding teeth.

Almost a date to the day
the motion was set one year ago,
when I was asked if I was keen
to take up the study scholarship.
"Of course. If they give, I take".
Simple and straight.

And so, months flew past
as I clear the various tests and interview.
That measure and cut
the applying hopefuls
into cubbyholes of Can-s, and Cannot-s.
Thankfully, I was sliced and diced into the former,
just in time to step into the year of the Horse.

Even so, it felt like a distant future
or even a possibility that has yet to materialise
(even to me now).
In the months that followed,
everything was done
in preparation for my leaving.
Cementing processes.
Conversations with relevant people.
Making sure that everything still runs
even when I am no longer here.

And everything promises to run,
even when I will no longer be here.

And then I feel the pang of nostalgia.
The sense that everything feels good and nice
and I wonder if it is a good move after all
to leave this snuggly place.

And then the sense of paranoia.
The sense that everything is set up for my departure.
Probably the place doesn't need me anymore
(of course it doesn't; you just made yourself dispensable)

And back to the paper
that just went through the machine's teeth.
From a pile of history that
spoke of the trials and tribulations.
Of sated hunger from late dinners and rushed food.
Of anguish from repeated edits and incomprehensible instructions.
Of fatigues from 14hour work days and midnight walks for the ride home,
that saw me back at the same seat in the cube 6 hours later.

Perhaps then it is apt that I saw the date
at the machine.
To remind me that whatever before then
is like the paper,
with its whatever thoughts, theories and principles,
that whatever had past was gone,
and nothing like its old self.

As with me -
that the old me
is gone.
Starting from that day last year
When I was asked if I was keen.
"Of course.
If you give, I take".

A whole new experience,
A widely different perspective.
A vastly different group of people.

If you give, I take.

What We Use

Things. Things? Things!! thingsthingsthingsthings....

There were the repeating thoughts over and over again for the past few weeks as I was moving. After a good one and a half year run on my apartment that got such a good offer that I can't refuse, and when school is happening in August, I decided to move back to parent's place for the time being while searching for my next good buy.

Moving back into an old space somehow gives a new perspective. Pre loved things with no more functional reasons are still hanging around, like clothes that I never even remembered I had them, that coin bank that was chucked at the back of the shelf, that bag that I hadn't used for ages....I am, categorically, a hoarder. And I am sure I am not the only one...space that I emptied out was somewhat invaded by my sis, whose bags and clothes far surpassed me when I was her age. Looking at all the things that I am surrounded, I suddenly wonder how much things that one really need.

The last few years have seen me become more conscious about...things that I consume or use. It started with shark fin, which led me to think about why we eat the way we do. I wonder why we buy so much stuff we don't need, taking resources from the things we depend on for our survival (the sea, the land), and then make them redundant to become waste and toxic, ironically , to the very things that we depend on for our survival (the sea, the land, the air).

Especially with my own place, and a small one at that, I start to be more circumspect about how I live

• I start to recycle stuff, re-selling them or even donate them for free (craiglist is dabomb! Salvation army too!), just that it is a pain to find recycling bins, especially those which are not already abused and treated like normal rubbish bins.

• I re-discovered repurposing via Pinterest (the DIY page always excites me no matter what..kinda bring out the nerd in me), and repurposed stuff into wrapping paper holders, watering jug, box for all the laundry bags and knick knacks... next project, I'm going to redo the face of my old Ikea clock since the mechanism is still working but the face was crumpling on me. 

• I start to take less plastic bags and shopping bags (do I really need that bag to carry a small piece of puchase? Nah, I'll just dump it into my bag), and I carry my own bag for grocery shopping and other stuffs. This actually solved my problem as I was struggling with the number of shopping bags and plastic bags that I have that threatened to overwhelm my drawer space. "Aiya so easy..just throw them away if they are getting in the way!" Sure....so these bags were only useful for that short time from store to home, which seem a great deal for nothing for the material and effort that went into making them..If so, then why take them in the first place?

• I have my own Keep Cup that I use for my daily kopi runs ( I hate Starbucks and the likes, give me a cup of kopi anytime. Exceptions though for artisan coffee :p ), which at least saved 15-20 disposable cups on my account every month (though I decided to stop buying when they raised the price -  a cup of kopi for $1.60?? No thanks.) and I declined taking disposable cutlery if I can help it. Hey, it's even easier to eat with proper fork/spoon/chopsticks that I keep in my office than those filmsy plasticky things.

• I bring my own water bottle and not buy bottled water if I can help it. Note the latter caveat. I am not going to refuse bottled water if that is all I have access to at the moment. The leap of faith happened in India, where we, being worried about drink water even though it was boiled, tried to buy bottled water in Lachung, North Sikkim but was told it was banned. Why? Because the water there is from the mountains, and technically, spring water. Plastic bottles will only pollute their environment, and why would you want to drink water from those plastic bottles..when spring water is all around you? Right..but I dont trust the pipes :( Anyhow, we drank the boiled water and yes, we survived. So, why do we need bottled water in the first place when clean water is all around us in Singapore?

• I buy clothes only when I have enough hangers or rather, if I am willing to "give up" a hanger. It started when I bought this set of white hangers from Daiso when I first shifted to my place just cos I am tired of hangers of all jumbled colours, and guess what, Daiso stopped carrying the white hangers ever since. Crap. Either I get hangers of a different colour, or I just live with it. But I stuck to the latter. It somewhat made my life easier as I don't have to fight with the hangers anymore (you mean your hangers never get entangled in the wardrobe because they were cramped so close together?) and it has definitely made me change my shopping habits. I only buy stuff that I really, really like, since getting any additional clothes will force me to "decommissioned" another piece. And if you think about it, where did the cheap clothes come from? If they are so cheap, that transfer in cost could probably have been a result of cheap (exploited?) labour. 

Well, it was not as if I don't take plastic bags at all - I still do when I am running low on garbage bags (I always favoured NTUC plastic bags - just the right size!) and there were times when I decided to just trash recyclable materials when I didn't have time to seek out the recycling bins, or succumbed to using disposable cutlery when otherwise, there weren't any other things I could eat with. But just the thought about where these things came from and how many hands did they pass through before they became what they are, how long are you going to use them for (30 mins maybe for that disposable cup?) and where they going to end up - landfill? Incinerator? I am sure like any other things on Earth, there has to be a more meaningful purpose for every object and matter, than for them to only serve a short life span before dumping them into the great mass of nothingness.

Just a matter of putting some thoughts into what we use, when we are using them., but still, it never amaze me just how much waste one person can even generate on a normal routine basis.

I digress. For the past week, I have bee ruthlessly thrashing those things that I can't salvage, listing out items on craiglist to sell off and giving away for free, beside donating items which no one will take up to the Salvation Army.

Hopefully a new start again on being bogged down by less "things".

Quiet - Susan Cain

The sub-title of the book caught my eye - "The Power of Introvert in a World that Can't Stop Talking". Especially the last 5 words, those especially resonate.

When I told some friends that I was an Introvert, they were surprised. I guess to most, I appear outgoing, engaging, and definitely not an Introvert (especially when I was pushing my agenda during work meetings). I often wonder why too, until the book introduced the idea of a "fake Introverts" - introverts who feigned being extroversion when the social setting requires or when they really feel passionate about any issues.

I knew (or at least I thought I knew) was during JC when the school arranged for us to do an MBTI test. My MBTI score was INTJ, and I remembered that I was that slightly confused or disappointed of the "I" rather an "E" score - I can be quite boisterous at times, and hell, I was playing in team sports and ECA committees all my student life. But since I was a marginal "I", and it was explained that marginal scores could swing as we grow up. So that was it.

My score did change, but not in that "I" department. 

I knew I love solo activities like reading, and spending time working on stuff alone (like, thinking how to upcycle stuff). I like my space, physically and mentally - I set up my cubicle so that half my space is shielded off a cabinet, when I could finally feel "safe" to settle in and start focusing.  I cringed once when a colleague stepped into my cube beyond the cabinet (!!!) without asking and I could feel all my hair standing on the back of my arm and back. 

I hate making small talk, and always find meeting new people pretty pressuring as I have to think very hard what to say and at the appropriate moment (like, when is the appropriate moment to slip off without being rude. Had to feign some detour a couple of times so that I don't have to speak to acquaintances for longer journeys). It's always hard to find people to talk to about topics that I am interested in, either I don't find or feel the right frequency to talk to them about those pet topics (I rather chew over them in my own head) or it's too deep for some people's comfort. Know me long enough though, we can talk for long hours about anything under the sun.

Giving presentation terrifies me. I used to have weekends and weekends of pub hopping but now I find that they drain me; I definitely prefer to go home and do my own stuff, unless the invitation comes from someone close to make it worth my effort to get out of the house. 

I wonder how did I survive adolescence, especially majority of the time with a team of 20 hockey girls, where we spent so much time together, and for some extended periods, cooped up in hotels for training trips and tournaments. I was known as the silent (and often grouchy) one who didn't talk much or what I was thinking about. Going around to team mates rooms to talk (and gossip) were tiring affairs; I would rather read or do cross stitch in my own room. I  remember having bouts of doubts, like why couldn't I be more lively like some other team mates who were having more boisterous and in my eyes, definitely more popular.

But survived I did. I decided that I was definitely more comfortable doing the things that I like. Sure, there are times when I still felt envy of people who are definitely more exuberant, more outgoing, but I think I have come to terms with it (or I think i have).

And now, it's like in those TV shows when you had to relive through those adolescence fears again, I wonder if I will survive school, and in this time, probably requiring a higher level of participation... I am cringing just thinking about it.

Staying Grateful

Ever since the retreat, I have been keeping a journal to write down daily 3 things that happened that day I am grateful for.

Maybe it was the talk over dinner about the Committee of Inquiry , and the circumstances and conditions of the foreign workers in Singapore. Maybe it was the article that talked about leading, rather than living, your passion. Or the TED video in the article, which talk about celebrating work (actual, manual work), rather than looking at it as an adversary.




As I was writing the 3 dailies, somehow, the hand guided itself to add a 4th :

"I am making a great living. It's a good life!"

Indeed. 

I wonder if one of the hallmark of growing older, is having more self doubts.

Could I have done more? 

Is that really the right choice?

Gosh..should I have said that?

Is it what I think she said?

Do I really want this?

What would others think?

Should I have done things different?

Whereas, I can imagine myself having skipped all these questions and jumped straight to self justification right away ("Of course I should/can/shall/will!") like maybe ten years ago.

Is it because we become more circumspect, having come up against walls ourselves a few times,  fallen into unspeakable pits a few times, been at the receiving end of the stick a few times..that we realise the frailty of our actions in trying to get the best outcome out of every situation,  the limit to what we know (and grasping some form of realisation of the vast ocean of things that we probably don't), and basically, shit happens and you don't exactly have a say when it does.

From another perspective, perhaps these questions are our perennial nemesis, to keep bugging us so that we constantly contemplate and reconnect - who we are, what drives us, what we want. Although it feels like there is a need to come full circle, my gut feel tells me that I am probably only halfway around the circumference.

Ok, emotional feelers hypersensitive and probably overworking today.

Reminiscing

Sometimes, things don't go your way and it feels like some evil forces began to form this dark cloud around you all of a sudden - cloying, blinding and suffocating .

And the only way is to bite down, brace your shoulders, lift those legs that felt like they weigh a ton each, and take that mighty difficult step, one and a time.

When you look back at that dark cloud after a distance, you wonder how did you even manage to get through that mess, and wish that there is some way to tell the you at that time, engulfed in the dark cloud and probably believing that you wouldn't make it out alive, that everything will be ok.

Yes, everything will be ok.

Note to myself sometime in 2012 crossing to 2013

Random thought

As I looked up from my book (so much for not buying any more hardcopies, but I couldn't resist when I saw how cheap books were in India), I saw that many others are equally engrossed..in their smartphones.

It shouldn't amaze me by now, since I started leaving the car and started taking public transport more nowadays. But today, I wondered how time in all were people's time being sucked away at checking Facebook updates, playing candycrush/plants vs zombie/any other faddish games now trending, surfing the internet on their mobiles...

And if all the time spent is grouped together, how vast this time/space zone might be. Enough to turn back time by maybe 10 years?

I have weird thoughts sometime....this time, I blame it on the fever. 

That aside, time to practise more mindfulness myself, spend less time on the mobile, look up and live the life that is ticking away by the minute.

India 2013

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” - Terry Pratchett,  A Hat Full of Sky

And the trip was done. Just slightly over 2 weeks, but finding myself wanting to stay longer. 

Even though when somehow, everybody back home was still surprised that I wanted to go India, and to some's horror, that I went on my own to Agra for even a day. Horror stories abound about the dangers of women travelling in India, one which allegedly happened on the day that I flew home, that friends and family were obviously quite disturbed to know that I had also took the auto rickshaw on my own to the railway station, Nizzamudin no less, the day before. Hearing all these stories, i could only thank my lucky star or guardian angle for watching me at every turn, in staying safe and sound.

Horror stories aside, it still amazes me the people that I have met along the trip are generally friendly, which I doubt even Singaporeans would offer the same politeness or (gasp) friendliness to the tourists that we get here. I have met passerbys, shop keepers, service staff, fellow tourists, who are willing to chat a little more with you, if only you are willing to start or continue the conversation with them. 

Of the 3 places - Boyd Gaya, Amritsar, and Dharamsala - they were so seeped in culture of the history and anthropology, that, having not blogged from the start of the trip, I got my hands on a notebook at Dharamsala and sat for 3 hours straight at a cafe just to journal down what I had seen, heard or thought for that 1 week of travel, writing non-stop that the woman who shared my booth seat tooted her amazement to me before she was leaving the cafe. 

It leaves me to wonder about what the other places in India can offer. Obviously more than I can imagine, given by what I have heard from my fellow travelers, as even within the same country, the people are so diverse at its different corners, that it sounds to me that that would almost be like visiting a different country altogether. 

Really hope to see the other parts of this country soon! 

Reading Steinbeck

Sweet Thursday - John Steinbeck

"I wonder if I could learn?"

"You can if you just remember a lot of things: first, you got to remember you're Suzy and you ain't nobody else but Suzy. Then you got to remember that Suzy is a good thing -  a real valuable thing - and there ain't nothing like it in the world. It don't do no harm just to say that to yourself. Then, when you got that, remember that there's one hell of a lot Suzy don't know. Only way she can find out is if she sees it, reads it, or ask it. Most people don't look at nothing but themselves, and that's a rat race......nobody don't give a particular damn about Suzy one way or the other. It's hard to get them thinking about you because they're too busy thinking about themselves. There's two, three, cooper-bottom ways to get their attention: Talk about them....Now when you got their attention, first thing they want is to do something for you. Let them. Don't get proud and say you don't need it or want it. That's a slap in the puss. Thing people like most in the world is to give you something and have you like it and it it. That ain't sloppy. That works."

Sounds about right.

And so, I am on the sequel to Cannery Row (I wished I had read the book before I went to the actual Cannery Row) - Sweet Thursday. And it all started when I first picked up The Pearl ("Hmm..standard literature text, plus it's skinny, so it shouldn't be that difficult to finish..."), and then Of Mice and Men, and then Grapes of Wrath, and then Travel with Charlie, Sea of Cortez, and East of Eden. And of course Cannery Row somewhere in the middle.

I like the way how Steinbeck describes his characters in his writings, that draws up an image immediately by describing his or her essences through their mannerism, the words that they say, even without giving any physical descriptions.  And the moral struggles his characters go through, that resonate with anybody as they read his works (What would I do if I am Kino?) Since I am not attempting an critique exercise, not going to draw up examples to justify my statements (that's too tiring!).   Right now, I am just waiting to see how Mack and Fauna's costume party will turn out..

兰屿之旅

我十月中旬到兰屿去得。之前也没到台湾很多次， 也别说到少人问津的兰屿 （每当和别人说去兰屿，回的话都是 “兰屿在哪里？？”）

兰屿真的很漂亮，蔚蓝天深蓝海。下海潜水特别清澈，能见度40米以上。

地方特色非常浓厚

最后一天双重惊喜 -

徒步上到岛上最高点的天气象气台，一眼遥望岛屿东边和西边辽阔海域。

下过阵雨（让骑着电单车的我们冷的直打颤）的海面近距离亮出双道彩虹，连当地人都纷纷放下手上的工作，欣赏这罕见的奇观。

让我感触的，是到底岛上的達悟族原居民到底是怎么样， 前五十年走过来的。 五十年前，照片上的兰屿原住民还过着蛮传统的渔村生活。没水电供应，主要靠打鱼维生。外来势力开发岛屿，原住民逐渐变成贫穷的一群，得转向“旅游业”发展，卖些手工艺品。怎么也让我联想到澳洲土族的困惑。那，开发是让谁获益了啊.....当然，这是我略浅的贫见，也没真正的了解。

但真的，没后悔这次兰屿之旅。还真想再出去游走一下....

马拉帕斯加

 每一次出游都有不一样的体会。

和一群朋友到马拉帕斯加 (Malapascua)潜水找长尾鲨。  虽然连续了三天抹黑的四点起床五点出海，但收获满满，总共看足了十二次。

最难忘的还是最后一天，我们去探索岛上其他的景点，如无人的海滩，和岛上的灯塔。比起宿务（Cebu），马拉帕斯加 显得更贫穷些。沿途上，看到了离旅客区有一段距离的乡村，屋子是用草编的，村民出来打井水，犹如时光停留在好久好久以前。

在找灯塔的途中，半路这三个小男孩从路旁的草丛溜出来，每个两手得提着像jackfruit的果实，嘻嘻哈哈得走在我们当中。其中两个还穿着校裤，另外穿着绿色T恤的则回朋友的话，说他不喜欢上学。明明这三个小瓜就是旷课去采水果。嘿～

这三个小瓜伴这我们一段路，过后见到他们的朋友一群的在中途等着他们。两个穿着校服出列去回友人。穿着绿色T恤的和他们打眼色，继续和我们走着。到了另一个村落，在其中一间草编屋放下手上的水果，跟在我们更前。问他是不是要带我们去灯塔，他腼点地点头。

也还好有他带路，不然我们也不可能找的到那完全看不着，躲在另一个草屋，上灯塔的小山路。

路上，他还领了一个他认识的小女孩，和她低声细语地有说有笑。就这样，Abor （小男孩）和 Astrina （小女孩）和我们到了立在小山丘上的灯塔。

下山丘后，Abor带我们到海滩去，遇到另一个朋友就随着他玩去，Astrina带着我们到路口，指着回去的路，挥手后跑回家。

对比着乡村的落后穷苦，这几个小孩们的快乐也就那么的真纯简单。印象特别深刻。

下一站，兰屿岛。

Gratitude

In the middle of work today, the realisation of 2 events suddenly left me dumbstuck.

That either directly or indirectly that I gotten what I had wished for or wanted, consciously or subconsciously.

I

For  a undoubtedly good news at work that wasn't expected.  It would have been something which I could be looking forward, though it came at a time when I (hope) am just at the cusp of discovering,  that it doesn't really matter in the larger thing called life (which may probably the same reason why I wasn't really looking out for it. I think I have other bigger issues to settle). For all that it is good thing, I think, it is just a flag to mark a journey, but the journey itself need some re-engineering, and definitely some perk-me-ups.

In any case, I am grateful, and I hope that the journey gets nicer sceneries and fellow travelers along the way.

II
For something which I thought would never happen, happened. And I was still lost for words even now. Especially when it also suddenly struck me, the meaning behind the words that were said in those few second.

The cursed old bad habit of driving the caution quotient into overdrive mode kicked in. I am such a wuse. And I think too much.

In any case, I am grateful that it has came to this, just have to turn down the self-defence mechanism some notches down.


Crossing my fingers that my luck holds.

Chasing Dreams

I heard Geri's song on Class 95 today, immediately posted onto Facebook and tagged her. But knowing her, it may be Christmas before she may finally see the tag.

The question about what would you want to do, if money is not an issue, I would always think about Geri. Ever since I had been playing as a junior under her, we would always know that Geri liked to sing and write songs. I still remember some of the other older seniors were skeptical  about the sustainability of being an artiste in Singapore. But that doesn't stop her from having one Number 1 hit . And funding her own album. All the time while she is officially still a personal trainer by profession. We missed her sometimes when she couldn't come down for games, the older seniors teased her for caring about her clients more than her team mates..and life went on.

We just celebrated Geri's birthday recently, and she announced that she is likely going to sign on as a song writer.

That's really coming a long way, and never a time did she think that she would let go of her dreams, to do something that she had always wanted to do since young (well, maybe she could have deal with her issues and get down to it last time, but that is another story - nothing is ever too late).

I wonder how many people get to live out their dreams in their lifetime.

I wonder how many people even know what their dreams are, clouded by the realism and demand for practicality that is life, and eventually forgotten.

能活出自己的梦想，是幸福的。

 

Sex.Violence.FamilyValues

I had a "blue moon" type of a lazy day today, which saw me let off early today to roam Orchard Road for a bit before dinner. And just in time to catch this movie in the late afternoon.

When I first heard about this show, the controversies surrounding the ban seem pretty serious - 20 out of 24 advisory panels who felt the comments were distasteful and demeaning must have been quite substantial and justifiable to call for it not to be shown, no?

Until I watched the movie, which regretfully, the controversial bits in the second story "Porn Masala" were voided out with just Adrian Pang yammering in silence, which i then compared with the clip on the youtube preview.

I wonder what was going through the production team's mind when they decide to push the boundary, but I have heard worse. We have a common joke when still in the blue, that certain offenses are predominantly "prerogatives" of particular races - the gamblers, the drug addicts, the wife beaters/drunkards. More often than not, it is backed up by historical and current data; we would be blind or super naive to think otherwise.

Of course, racial sensitivities have always been an issue in Singapore. Friendly jibes aside, again, we would be super naive to think that we can be hanky-dory if we start throwing racial slurs about, which may finally bordering on personal insult, someone takes offense, and it just takes an innocent spark for a normal jibe traded escalate to events that may lead to greater racial divide driven by distrust. It goes back to the primordial instinct of having to preserve one self,  and following thus, one's self worth and all the things one identifies him or herself with. Just remember the outcries when the Chinese student called Singaporeans "dogs" (when I was wondering what the boy could have encountered to spit that comment, I can only so imagine all the mainland ah-tiong jokes and insults that could have been thrown his way).

And perhaps that was the reason why the 20 panel members were playing the safe cards, that the slurs in "Porn Masala" could indeed offend fellow Indians if taken too seriously, and thus need not be shown  here to incite any displeasure to start with. Not that the accolades of the film helped - although there could be indian communities in those countries, I wonder if these were indie film selection with a limited audience, hence the potential lash-back was kept to a minimal. And even if there were Indians who had watched the film, could those be discerning viewers who understood that certain artistic discretion had to given to deliver the idea across?

Coming back to the movie. Do I think that the part was necessary? Yes. The punch was gone when the racist parts were removed.  Would I have been offended if the insulted race was Chinese? I could be instinctively, if I had not understood that the insult had to be uttered in the movie for a purpose.

So rather than saying that Singaporeans are not mature for the show, let's not be too damning; but rather, that the movie needs mature audience to discern artistic license to convey the satire, and not for any ordinary man-on-the-street, easily offended or the faint hearted. Will there ever be a time when such racial slurs in a movie like Sex.Violence.Family Values will never raise any eyebrows? How about never, until we have to share the spaces with another organism such that we see fellow human as closer brothers and brothers, than let's say, aliens. But well, that could be my pessimism at its best.

Anyhow, I think the controversies very much mar the essence of the whole movie, which airs  the "dirty little ditties" of squeaky clean Singapore. Witty, funny, never a dull moment. We need to loosen up a little!

Serendipity

Something has been simmering all day...and I can't put a finger to it.

And that makes me really edgy.

Until I found this.

Lincoln

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.

xxxxx

I have a bad habit of thinking about shows that I have just watched, well past the next 24 hours post-show, regurgitating and savour the bits and pieces of the show again and again(a gross metaphor..but work has taken a toll on the brain. Try re-formating reports and powerpoints for 2 weeks in a row). 

The spirit portrayed by Daniel Day Lewis as Lincoln moved me to no bounds - the stoic-ness, bearing the weight of the war and family. His beliefs, that moved mountains and made history.

The skeptic in me wonder whether if he had started the civil war due to his conviction  to restore natural justice of the world (that slavery was wrong) or tool for power play (over the Southern conferederete states). Even so, a man being the sum of his experiences, I also wonder what had made the man that he was - what had he seen or felt, to culminate to his humanitarian principles and beliefs that slavery has no place in the world that he was living in (one that the word "humanitarian" probably didn't even exist)?

I guess that calls for another movie.

xxxxx

 It took another almost 100 years before what Lincoln set out to do see some fruition. And as proclaimed in the movie, the impossibles became a reality - inter-racial marriages, WOMEN GETTING TO VOTE (which led me to a point about a book i read recently - apparently in some parts of the world, they must think women imbecile, cos where in place of having a man as the witness, you will need two women as witnesses, before the testimonies could be accepted).

When it had probably appeared almost unimaginable, became a natural fact of life. Which led me to wonder what else could have appeared unimaginable now, may became a common way of life, if given time. Gay marriage is one definitely (I totally don't see any wrong in that)...hmm..what else..?


xxxxx

My (very limited) knowledge of the civil wars between the Confederates and the Union came not from any history books, but from the trials and tribulations of Scarlett O'Hara. I didn't choose to do History in school, probably due to the fact that I was half dozing off during the history lessons during the lower secondary classes on hot, humid afternoons.

I remembered Mrs Kit, the history teacher called my name out of the blue once before I took the last step into dreamland. I stood up dazed, and my partner seated beside me had to discreetly point out the paragraph, which I read out without ever knowing what exactly was the question. Mrs Nair (i think that was her name), the Geography teacher was more gregarious. I also remember (and forever be amazed) that she would write out all the Geography notes every lesson on the blackboard from memory. Which meant that i couldn't be falling asleep while writing at the same time as I form mental image of disintegration of rocks due to alternating state of water lodged in crevices.

Obviously I chose to do Geography.  

A friend pointed out that history is still important, to learn how things came to be so, and keeps lessons of mistakes made. I don't doubt that, I just wonder how much people keep in mind of catastrophic events in the history to prevent stepping off the cliffs ahead of them, blinded or distracted by the scenery along the way. It seems like we never believe that we may make the same mistakes, and forge ahead with foolhardy optimism; anyway, I can only imagine that a person who always worry that we may re-commit the same mistakes and foretell our doom as the ultimate pessimist, which is equally not a good thing either.

And even so, I wonder how much can history tell us about events which had never happened before, like global warming (yes, despite naysayers claiming that it's all a farce, I believe in global warming). I don't think anything can teach us how to deal with things like that, and we ourselves may become text book examples for our future generations ("If only our ancestors had known to stop destroying Earth, we would not be staying underground/in the sea/on Mars now").   

At the end of the day, 

when there could be no other reason to be had, 

it may just 

amount to knowing

that 

I can.