We are Idiots, both of us

We are idiots, both of us

Hopeful for the same outcome
but each carrying our own baggages
wary of the same trappings
that had led us down our rabbit holes

The Passing of A Giant

I was born during times when Singapore was beginning to soar. I was never the history buff, but from my childhood memories, Singapore would have had already passed through the tough initial building years, industrial estates were set up, and the manufacturing sectors were starting to take off.

My first home was a 4 room HDB flat in Boon Lay, which I guess then, would be like what Sengkang is today - one of the satellite towns built to provide housing for the growing population of Singaporeans. Both my parents came from large families, and given the situation then, having a 4 room flat to call their own was their pride when smaller house of 2-3 room flats with family of 8 were the norm. Both of them were not highly educated - my dad was a welder who later became a business owner and director in a machinery plant, and my mum came from Malaysia to work at a young age, and thereafter was a stay home mum. 

I went to a neighbourhood primary school which was 5 mins walking distance away, did decently well, went to a good secondary school, did decently well again to go to a good junior college, did decently well again to become an undergraduate at NTU, joined the civil service, and have been doing decently well to date.

My story couldn't be any more ordinary or different from many other Singaporeans. But the extraordinary thing is, that the multitude of us can experience this Singapore story, is that someone or a team of people are keeping Singapore on an even keel, just so that we can pursue our development and aspirations without having to to worry about our basic needs of food, shelter and securities.

And the someone is of course, to me, Mr. Lee.

In my memories Mr Lee had always been the stalwart Prime Minister, the giant, that loomed in the background of my growing years. Then as SM, and later, MM. As I started working and dealing with the realities of adult life, I began to understand, maybe even only by a tiny fraction, the tension which Mr. Lee would have to face, when his party had next to nothing to work with when Singapore was pushed to become an independent state, and faced with so many problems which could threaten Singapore stability, even by a hair's breath but enough to bring Singapore to the rubble again.

Of course, history is never so straightforward. 

We read of his ruthlessness to his political opponents, high handed public policies and tough stance to anybody, local or overseas, who opposes his thinking or approach. These incidents are undeniable, and Mr. Lee did not even deny that those incidents did happen. If we continue fighting the communist then, would we be having a different political arena now? Would we be less materialistic and happier in a non-Singapore Inc country today? Nobody would be able to say.

Detractors say credit is not his alone - his old guards were equally credit worthy of their contributions, he merely rode on their achievements. However, if the converse is true, people would naturally say that its his fault for being an incapable leader.   

Is he really that great a man and a person? For someone who takes the approach "my way or the highway, I am sure it would rile up many people who got brushed over or felt squashed under the authoritative system, probably me included, if the the degrading policy of the whole fertility fiasco would have implicated me somewhat.  

But let the historians weigh things on a balance, and decide what they would make of him.

For me, I am just grateful for your foresight, tenacity and belief, that we could make it. And we did. 

All thanks to you Mr. Lee, our founding father, for your unwavering determination and will, that acted as a beacon that drew in the energies to make what Singapore has become today.

And I pray that we remember your spirit and vision for Singapore to be a great nation, to continue your work in our own capacity, and uphold your belief of Singapore will be, and shall be.

国父，一路走好

It's the New Year!!

Sometimes I feel like a drop of water

In this vast ocean of 
infinite opportunities
mixed with cosmic abundance
of love and grace

that I am just a tiny little drop
as with any other,
creating little ripples
as I rejoin this ocean

to form as a whole
and there is no difference 
between the ocean
and me.


xxxxxxx

I haven't been here for a long long while, mainly with school, but also, I guess with the journaling offline and constant sharing of thoughts with someone else, there are lesser needs to pour out my thoughts here as another avenue.

However, it's a brand new year, and I should give this page some love, it being somewhat the chronicles of my thoughts for the last few years.

2014 was a year quite different from the others. A break from work, thrown into a different environment called school, which is going to be till end of 2015. If you ask me in before 2014, I wouldn't have thought this to be even on my agenda. Weird how fate sets you on such a different path.

With that, I wouldn't know what 2015 has in hold for me. Maybe it's not mine to know. Which coincidentally coincided (I can't help this) with something I read from Haruki Murakami:-.

"A person's destiny is something you look back at afterwards, not something to be known in advance." ~ The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (1997)  

And about staying present in the now, from timely remind from Eckhart Tolle ( something that I learn and relearn every now and then, it's time not to be a shadow anymore).


I guess for me, the big homework from now starting, is to stay in the present, learn to accept and surrender to the unfolding of limitless opportunities in the next moment.

 

Let the Light Shine In

And because Deepavali was a few days ago, someone passed me tealights when I professed that all my tea lights are in storage. For the symbolism of light's triumph over darkness, he said. And also knowledge over ignorance, good over evil, hope over despair, according to Wikipedia. Who wouldn't like that, I wondered.

And beside the incense burner that I got from India, which coincidentally, had the statue of Ganesha, the remover of obstacles, and the icon for wisdom and knowledge. Quite apt.

More often than not, I am grateful to be born in Singapore and be a part of this multicultural society. Although less than perfect sometimes, but where else in the world can you be in an environment where different cultures and religions co-exist and be expected to be accepted and acknowledged, and the stories of various festivals are learnt in school.

With that as a backdrop, that could be the reason that although different in format and doctrine, it occurred to me the the essence is the same - the presence of an almighty God and/or Source, the teaching of staying on the pathway of truth through enlightened teachers, self cultivation of the mind and devotion, and virtues of love and compassion, and of course many others. And if some religion's way of teaching resonates with you, then apply yourself to that and let it bring out the best in you. Cos at the end of the day, the incremental benefit to the world of a happier, wiser, more fulfilled individual is always a positive one.

So a happy belated Deepavali dear friends, and may the light be with you at all times :)

Drawing Straight in Crooked Lines

Tonight is almost the first night from the last month that I can sit down in quiet and settle down a bit. The last 4 weeks felt like microcosm of different worlds.

Classes and assignments felt like a moving conveyor belt of knowledge download, moving so fast one after another that I'm starting to get dizzy.

Running for student council played out like a gladiator arena of human emotions and show of ego.

Stepping into the door way of the spiritual realm provided a solace for reflection and centring amidst the crazy wave of things.

Having someone who you were almost wishing for every day dropping in on you this way was nothing short of the extraordinary.

Yet, somehow all of these were inter related in one way or another.

Sometimes, the dots are all scattered over the place and you wonder why are you made to go through those dots in the longest, convoluted way when there could be a thorough fare that links the dots in the most logical straight line.

But at the end of the day when you look back, you realise that the lines drawn through those dots just drawn you the picture of what you have always wanted in your mind.

Joy, Faith, and...Just Breathe.

I had a sort of a blackboard behind my door back then, at my first owned place, such that that is the first thing that I see whenever I enter the house or when I leave. It was originally meant for listing stuff that I need to remember, like grocery items and things I need to do. But one day, maybe because I had left it empty for so long (erm....ya, grocery and things-to-do are not exactly exciting items that I am that rearing to update every day), I took up a piece of chalk and wrote 2 words that came to my mind then - "Joy" and "Faith".

So, then that became the first thing I saw whenever I enter the house, and last thing before I leave.

Then, one day, I saw a quote that I really liked - "Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is no think, not wonder, no imagine, not obsess. Just breath and have faith that everything will work out for the best". So I wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it at the corner. So when I open the door to enter the house, that note is the first thing that peeked at me from beside the door frame, and the last thing I glanced at before I grab the keys (which was just beside the blackboard) and leave .

And those words were there ever since.

And worked for me ever since, every time when I feel frazzled with stuff that never seemed to make sense, or when things doesn't seem to be turning for the better.

I kept the note when I sold off the place, and it's now on the mirror in my room, so I still get to see it every day. "Joy" and "Faith" hadn't followed, but I think they are probably less needed to be reminded than the words on the post-it note.

It's uncanny how things are turning out now, just, probably, I should just breathe and have faith.

Reaching for the Heart

The heart was beating its usual beats,
beating, beating..
when suddenly, it felt a nudge
"Hey, what's that?"   the heart exclaimed.
Something  - fingers and a palm now more apparent - nudged again,
and then another prod.
"That's just rude" The heart vexed and uncomfortable with attempt of each touch,
moved itself away.

The hand of the fingers and the palm, lingering and confused,
cos all it wanted was to carry the heart,
as how it would a delicate flower,
to place on its palm.