Staying Grateful

Ever since the retreat, I have been keeping a journal to write down daily 3 things that happened that day I am grateful for.

Maybe it was the talk over dinner about the Committee of Inquiry , and the circumstances and conditions of the foreign workers in Singapore. Maybe it was the article that talked about leading, rather than living, your passion. Or the TED video in the article, which talk about celebrating work (actual, manual work), rather than looking at it as an adversary.




As I was writing the 3 dailies, somehow, the hand guided itself to add a 4th :

"I am making a great living. It's a good life!"

Indeed. 

I wonder if one of the hallmark of growing older, is having more self doubts.

Could I have done more? 

Is that really the right choice?

Gosh..should I have said that?

Is it what I think she said?

Do I really want this?

What would others think?

Should I have done things different?

Whereas, I can imagine myself having skipped all these questions and jumped straight to self justification right away ("Of course I should/can/shall/will!") like maybe ten years ago.

Is it because we become more circumspect, having come up against walls ourselves a few times,  fallen into unspeakable pits a few times, been at the receiving end of the stick a few times..that we realise the frailty of our actions in trying to get the best outcome out of every situation,  the limit to what we know (and grasping some form of realisation of the vast ocean of things that we probably don't), and basically, shit happens and you don't exactly have a say when it does.

From another perspective, perhaps these questions are our perennial nemesis, to keep bugging us so that we constantly contemplate and reconnect - who we are, what drives us, what we want. Although it feels like there is a need to come full circle, my gut feel tells me that I am probably only halfway around the circumference.

Ok, emotional feelers hypersensitive and probably overworking today.