The Outlier

Sometimes when you ask for an answer, it comes in most obscure manner.

Had to complete an individual profiling tool for work, not the first time that I did something like this, but this one finally explained why I felt like the devil's advocate every time. The distinction that majority drew closer to one end of the spectrum favouring norms and consistency, when I was one of those handful outliers midway to the other end of the spectrum. Which described my strengths as: ("mildly" - since the score wasn't for the total extreme) non-conformity, individual expression, responsive, free-spirited, not bound by conventions.

Sounds pretty cool, if not the downsides: individualist, may have a chip on the shoulder when required to follow rules or expectations set by others, cautious about processes or rules that absolutely govern decisions, need to bring their own sense of order to the situation, may misunderstand of discount the value of rules, procedures or conformity to the past.

Suddenly it makes sense why when I was young, whenever my mum forced me to practise my scales on the piano, I would feel jaded doing it although I had earlier planned to do it anyway 5 mins before she telling me to. I always not sure why I felt like that..ahh..now I know....

And also explained why I see most stuff in various gradient shades of grey (if I had the language to split and name those shade I would..now it just runs from 1% to 99% grey depending on the calibration the situation demands), rather than black and white, and knowing where to give slack and where to tighten in an environment governed by rules and standard operating procedures (for the record, rules are there for a purpose, but they are not the absolute for the many convolutions in life. There.)

(Though according to another aspect of the profiling results, you have to show me how you derive at that conclusion in order to convince me why the rules have to be broken.)  

I would have thought I fall in the majority group, being so task oriented and agenda driven that I thought I am (and I thought I crave rules - now I know that maybe subconsciously I need know those in order to start thinking about how to maneuver around them).

Ah well..just another dimension from a profiling tool. But hell explained a lot of angst.