Sometimes I wonder..
why is it so difficult to let go of painful memories? Is it the fear that once you let go, you forget the lessons? By telling the other person that he is being let off too lightly - that your painful heartaches are reminders to him that what he did was wrong?
if desire blinds what you really want..how do you know what you really want? By gut feels? But aren't those your desires?
no matter that years had passed. Does pain really go away? How do you know it had..when everytime you thought it was gone, but it comes hitting you right in the face when you turned round the corner of the block.
how do you forgive? It's definitely not a matter of mental congnizance, or a verbal utterance. Not even when you tell yourself that you must, in order to move on. How do you forgive, when the other party didn't even ask for it?
and why is it that the sense of pervasive paralysing fear, when the word "forgive" came into the picture? Felt the same way on the high log reaching out to the flying trapeze bar. You leap out and reach for the bar - losing firm footing, not knowing whether you will ever reach safety on the other side. Is it the fear that once you let go, you forget the lessons?
I wonder...
I wonder...
I wonder...
The Mojito Life - RUM for the soul, A sprig of fresh MINT for newness, A dash of sour LIME that puckles up your face, & Sweet SUGAR to keep Life going.
1 comment:
Allow me to share what I have thought about forgiveness after reading your blog.
This may sound queer: We forgive not for the person we are forgiving; we do it for ourselves.
If you don’t forgive, it is you who cannot move on and not the person you don’t forgive; because he may simply not be interested in whether or not you forgive him.
We forgive so that we can let go. The heaviest thing on earth is not the Empire State Building or the Titanic; it is the grudge we bear in our heart. It weighs upon us so heavy that we get stuck in our past and cannot move forward. Bearing a grudge harms you more than the person you bear a grudge with. It burns your spirit, destroys your soul and makes your heart bitter.
Not forgiving the person does not make him realize that he need to apologize. Not forgiving the person does not make his life worse; it makes yours worse. He continues his life as he lives while you bear the weight of the grudge and live in the past.
When others hurt us deeply, the feeling of indignation makes us unwilling to forgive easily. We feel indignant that the person goes scot-free after hurting us. We feel we deserve at least an apology from him. Our indignation causes us to deny happiness, and worse, drown ourselves in sorrows, pity and misery to seek attention from the person, as if telling him, “Hey, look at me! See my hurt. You cause it. You should say sorry.” No amount of indignation can bring an apology. Indignation just brings us more pain; it is this simple and plain.
We forgive so that others may forgive us. We forgive those that trespass upon us so that when we trespass upon others, they might give us a chance. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and when we do, we hope others will forgive us too.
Perhaps the only person we have a good reason to be stricter and more stringent with is ourselves. How could we be more petty, stringent and critical towards others but forgive ourselves readily for the wrong we commit and the hurt we cause? Being more unforgiving towards ourselves helps remind us not to commit the same mistakes again.
So, forgive anyway, whether there is an apology or not. We can remind ourselves by spelling forgive as “foregive”. Give it before any apology. It broadens our hearts and makes us a better person.
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